If you love cruising, you’ll love our collection of 25 cruise jokes. The collection of puns, jokes, and riddles will give you and your travel friends a chuckle.
Be sure to read to the end to see the 10 funniest conversations overheard on a cruise ship.
25 Hilarious Cruise Jokes
1. Playing Cards
Why couldn’t the passengers play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.
2. Sick Cruise Ships
Where do sick cruise ships go?
The dock.
3. Phone Calls
What does a mermaid use to call her friends?
A shell phone, of course.
4. Life as a Crew Member
What’s it like working on a cruise ship?
It has its ups and downs.
5. Inside Cabins
A couple called guest services, complaining they were stuck and couldn’t get out of their cabin.
“What’s the issue?” answered the purser. “There are only two doors,” replied the woman. “One is the bathroom, and the other says Do Not Disturb.”
6. Shower Trouble
The showers in the cruise cabins are so small. I just soap the walls and spin around a few times!
7. Emotional Baggage
I told my suitcase I wouldn’t be taking a cruise this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage!
8. Ocean Waves
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing. They just waved.
9. Marriage Trouble
I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It’s no Titanic, but I’m optimistic.
10. Nervous Cruiser
A nervous first-time cruiser asked the Captain, “Do ships like this sink very often?” No, replied the Captain, “Usually only once.”
11. Mechanical Issues
What do you call an azipod that doesn’t work?
A lazypod.
12. Bermuda Triangle
What would you call the Bermuda triangle if it had 4 corners? The Bermuda Wreck-Tangle
13. On a Cruise Ship Deck
A man is standing on deck, gazing out at the water. As the ship passes a small remote island, he spots somebody. He squints to make out what he sees – a thin, straggly man with wild-looking hair. He watches as the man runs from side to side, jumps up and down, and waves his arm.
The cruise passenger turns to the captain and says, “What’s up with that guy?” The captain shrugs and replies, “I don’t know, but he’s happy to see us when we sail by!”
14. Christmas Cruise Joke
Where does Santa go on vacation?
Santa Cruz
15. Sinking Cruise Ship Joke
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea, and the cruise passengers manage to escape on lifeboats. A woman asks the Captain, “How far is the closest land?”
“3 miles”, he answers. “That’s not too bad. In which direction? she asks.
The Captain replied, “Down.”
16. The Friendly Sea
How do we know we know the ocean is friendly?
It waves
17. Booze Cruise
On its last night at sea, a cruise ship sails back from the Caribbean. Just before dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker.
“This is your captain speaking. I regret to inform you that there was an error with our provisioning. While there are 2000 passengers on board, we only have enough food for 1000 dinners. However, we have plenty of alcohol, so anyone willing to give up their meal will receive free drinks for the rest of the night.”
A few hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize, but we’ve run out of booze. On the upside, we still have a thousand delicious meals for you to enjoy!”
18. Lost Rolex
A wealthy passenger took a cruise vacation to a tropical island and decided to sunbathe on the beach. Wanting an even tan, he took off his luxury watch and slipped it into his pocket.
Back on board at the end of the day, he realized that his watch was gone—it must have fallen out of his pocket. Too embarrassed to admit he’d lost such an expensive item, he decided not to tell anyone.
A moment later, the Captain’s voice came on the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is an announcement to the passenger who lost the Rolex Pearlmaster on the beach……The time is now 6:54 PM.”
19. Pier Pressure
What keeps a dock floating above water?
Pier pressure.
20. Breaking News
Breaking news: Passengers trapped on a cruise ship on the ocean for 4 days.
On the bright side, it’s kind of what they paid for.
21. Latest Cruise Ship Trend
Did you hear the latest trend is installing trampolines on cruise ships? Now everyone is jumping on board.
22. Vegetables
What vegetable isn’t allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks
23. Marine life
Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
24. Bermuda Triangle
What would you call the Bermuda triangle if it had 4 corners? The Bermuda Wreck-Tangle
25. The magician and the parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship, performing the same tricks each week for new passengers.
The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and figured out how the tricks worked. He began to shout out during the performances. “It’s up his sleeve,” spoiling the illusions.
The magician was annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain.
One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island, along with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred for days, neither uttering a word.
Finally, after three days, the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Okay, I give up,” he said. “What did you do with the ship?”
Bonus: 10 Hilarious Conversations Overheard on a Crusie Ship
- What time is the midnight buffet?
- What happens to the ice sculptures after they melt?
- To the Captain – “If you’re here, who’s driving the ship?”
- Do these elevators go to the front of the ship?
- Do the crew sleep on board?
- Is the ocean salt water?
- When visiting Rome, “I’m surprised the ruins are in such bad shape.”
- How do we know which pictures are ours?
- How do they get enough water to fill the cruise ship pools while at sea? (I’ll give you one guess)
- Is the toilet fresh water? (I don’t know for two reasons. Number 1 and number 2)
